A new story of Creation

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A new story of Creation

Post by Guysanto » Thu Mar 08, 2007 4:48 pm

This is my version of Genesis I.
A new story of Creation
by Guy S. Antoine

The gods create things just for fun, and usually it is at the expense of their creation.

One day, they set out to create "the perfect living thing". To do so, they began to impart to it one divine attribute after another, in a haphazard process Darwin would come later to call "Evolution". They took turns at it, perfecting some forms, leaving some done only half way (due to hilarity or dissatisfaction with how creepy some of those creatures were turning out), discarding many life forms along the way (like the dinosaurs), and with each move the gods tried to trump each other. The creation games took place over millions of days and nights, because gods have nothing but time on their hand. They pondered each move, as in a chess game, but acted on their thoughts only at distinct intervals, in a process known as "punctuated equilibrium" as a result.

But then, "The Most Jealous of Gods" played her trump card and imparted to the most promising of the life forms some attributes that are so distinctly divine that as a result, the line between Divinity and Living Creature became blurred. That was playing outside the rules, and caused great dissatisfaction among the gods. "Tout jwèt se jwèt, kwochèt pa ladan l" murmured one of the gods, and refusing to acknowledge defeat at the hand of a rival who played offside, Satan (that was his name) vowed enmity to her and her special creature.

The other gods, sensing that the newest creation would cause endless conflicts and challenges from Minigod yelled "Offside! Offside! Offside!" in unison, but "The Most Jealous of Gods" lent them a deaf ear. Hence began the era of "Minigod" or "Man" for short. A big mistake to be sure...but one, The Most Jealous of Gods was too proud to admit.

Later she often regretted that her competitive and combative nature had led her to create what would turn out to be an extraordinary headache for all the gods, because one of the attributes of Man was the ability to summon the gods, wherever they were and whatever new games they might be playing, into all sorts of earthly matters which the gods had rather not get involved in, but were obliged to, however reluctantly.

And to make matters even worse, The Most Jealous of Gods would soon discover that her special creation was much more to her image than she ever intended. Like her, Man was excessively jealous, excessively competitive, excessively ambitious, prone to fits of anger, and with a peculiar propensity for playing outside the rules.

In the beginning, Man fully enjoyed the "Garden of Eden" and all other amenities that She had selected for his pleasure, but his appetite was truly insatiable. And "God" [as she now demanded to be acknowledged by Man, as the "One and Only"] began to sense a curious loss of control. Should she annihilate her own creation, call it a draw, and start over? That she could do in a matter of minutes, with the biggest of tsunamis, one that would cover the entire Earth. But wouldn't that be an admission of improper planning? She could never lose face in front of the other gods. So, for better... no for worse, "God" stuck to her guns.

Nevertheless, Man constantly worried her. He could summon other gods into her business. That was the one attribute that no other god had dared to impart to any creature before that fateful moment. The Most Jealous of gods so wanted to win the game that with Man, she overplayed her hand. She knew however that there was "one thing" that Man should never but never engage in, mysteriously referenced as experiencing "The Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good or Perverse Sensations". As The Most Jealous of gods feared, Man could one day look up that tree and summon not just any god, but her arch-rival [Lucifer] in what she considered her private business. She gave Man that power, but she fervently hoped that he would never use it.

He did.

And the rest is History.

And now, the only thing that will bring an end to the torments of Man is for the gods to make peace between themselves.

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The fig leaf: a story about the Original Sin

Post by Guysanto » Sun Oct 25, 2009 5:27 pm

This is my version of Genesis II.
The fig leaf: a story about the Original Sin
by Guy S. Antoine

It is often said of the God of Christians that HE created man in his image. "HE", being of course, gender neutral...though very few humanoids are gender neutral. God, say the Christians, sent his only son (no mention made of daughters) to save men (and women) from their sins. His son Jesus died for our sins, though he was completely assured of his resurrection. He knew it all the time, so he could not possibly have been afraid of death. That is only true of humans who have no clear idea of what happens after death, no matter what front they put up. But in his incarnation as a man, he also suffered. When a man suffers voluntarily, he usually feels at least a little guilty about something... or wish to remedy a terrible mistake that he (or an ancestor) made, along the way.

Indeed, men (and women) are sinful. They had been sinful before the advent of Christ, they were sinful during his lifetime, and they have been sinful ever since. Having been created in the image of a Perfect Being without sins, how did man become sinful in the first place? God, remember, is capable of everything but cannot commit any sin, an apparent contradiction which is resolved only by accepting that when God does anything imperfectly, it must be considered a mistake but not a sin). God surely made a few mistakes: Of that, you are the living proof, and there is no doubt in this matter. Still, one has to go back to some time shortly after creation to discover the genesis of evil and the source of the original sin.

Here's the Biblical answer:

Eve was taken by God from Adam's rib - a defining reason for giving till it hurts, as God will reward you with more than tax credits.

Dressed in their birthday suit, without so much as a fig leaf, Eve and Adam lived in the Garden of Eden without sins, for a while at least. But God had already made a mistake in the extremely delicate operation of separating woman from man. This happens to the very best of surgeons. The mistake was to allow the contamination of the resulting sexes with the potential for sin, something which God did not fully appreciate until then. He could not have, of course, since sinning was as foreign a concept as could possibly be and he was not equipped for it in the first place.

As soon as God realized his mistake, he faced an unappetizing choice: a recall of his products or the creation of a concept that would immunize Him of direct responsibility forever and ever. Quickly, God summoned all of his creative juices and came up with Free Will, which he then sprinkled generously on both Woman and Man. Most contend that one sex received more free will than the other, but generally cannot agree on which.

God then established a set of rules, as free will cannot operate in a vacuum. Those rules are known as the Divine Constitution for Humanity, though even God had to know that the very essence of humanity dictates that rules are made to be broken. Hence the need for an Enforcer: a spirit that would make one pay for breaking the rules. Once again, God thought of a solution: He had created more than enough archangels and could spare a few to the Dark Side, still unpopulated at that time. God posted a sign up sheet for archangels who wished to transfer to a new department.

Too many volunteers posted for the new position, so God proposed a contest. The contest turned unruly and before anyone but God could have foreseen, it turned into an open rebellion. Blows were exchanged in a battle that was seen from Eden as "the most awesome celestial show ever" (The Book of Adam, 17:5-7).

Lucifer - the most luciferous of the archangels - won that battle hands down and earned the right to be known as the Supreme Commander of the Dark Side. He later changed his name to "Satan, Prince of Darkness". Upon entering the Dark Side, he was heard exclaiming "Hell!". No one knew what that meant, but the name stuck.

Eve was the first to become aware that there might be more to life than met the eyes, as abundant as the fruits of the Garden of Even might be. Free Will made it tempting to break the rules, whatever they were, but first she had to discover just what those rules were. She searched vainly and her mate was of no help whatsoever.

Enter the snake, one of God's creations that has the unique attribute among all living creatures to slither its way in and out of black holes, otherwise known as the gates of Hell. As Albert Einstein later discovered, it is nearly impossible to escape the pull of a black hole, the reason for which is that Lucifer really but truly sucks. Get close to one, and you're sucked in. Other than slithering snakes, the only creatures that seem impervious to the pull are flying cockroaches, something that neither the Theory of Special Relativity nor the Theory of General Relativity have been able to explain. "They just dance happily over the black holes," Einstein used to comment in amazement as he worked on a unified theory that would explain their particular ability. More recently, it has come to be known that roaches are made of special kinds of strings whose multidimensionality is the key to their indestructibility. So they are known as the little messengers of hell on earth, whereas snakes are sent by Lucifer only on special circumstances. The temptation of Eve was certainly one of those occasions.

So the slithering snake slithered along a slithering path to Eve, who was by that time dying to break the rules, if only she knew what they were. After a snitty introduction, the snake managed with flattery to soothe Eve's fears and led her to the Book of All Knowledge, technically known as the Divine Constitution for Humanity. There, Eve read and became imbued with the knowledge of Good and Evil. The snake then parted, slithered back to its hell hole, put on a flight suit, and reported to Lucifer: "Mission accomplished".

Now confident of her ability to break the rules, Eve still needed an accomplice. She did not have to think long. She decided to convince her mate, who by the essence of his virility (a terminal weakness), had not been programmed by the Creator to ever resist a seductive woman.

Sitting under a mango tree, Adam was contemplating a brook nearby, that was replete with fishes of every kind. He could reach down and take as many as needed each day for a delicious dinner that he and Eve took turns baking under the sun in citric juices and natural spices. Yet, he was intrigued with an idea that first occurred to him in a dream: if he were to catch the fish using a string at the end of a pole, would they taste just as good? Jolting him from his reverie, Eve came and sat next to him, and got herself closer to him even still. She scratched his head gently and whispered something in his ear. It was at that moment that he noticed that Eve had covered herself with a fig leaf. He had never seen woman with a fig leaf before. He felt irresistibly drawn to her, with a strange and tumultuous desire that he could not explain, since he had seen thousands of fig leaves before.

The rest of the story is known as the Biblical story of mankind.

Had Adam rejected Eve's advances, one has to wonder what would have happened next, but that is entirely up to your imagination.

Is it conceivable that the most beautiful woman in Eden (of that, we are sure) might have been seduced by a snake?

Think about it, it happens all the time!

So now you know all about the Original Sin, as original today as it was soon after Creation.

And that black holes were created from Lucifer's incredible sucking power.

And that Hell became incandescent from absorbing all of Lucifer's luciferous properties.

And that the snakes joined Lucifer, because they could. Hell, because they could.

But here's a still unresolved mystery: Where do flying cockroaches come from?

God claims no credit for them. Satan uses them for errands on Earth, but cannot rein them in, no matter how much he sucks. They are impervious to his pull. Perhaps one day, a superstring theory will account for their existence.

The potential for sin came from God's experiment with Man, but that was just an accident. He never meant it to happen.

Could you sue?
Not a chance! Free Will is God's Patriot Act. His impenetrable line of defense. No matter how evil came about, you're responsible for it.

Does God have a sense of humor?
Of that too, you are the living proof !

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Post by Leoneljb » Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:46 pm

AMEN, PastE Guy!
I would like to attend your Church instead...
Apa lOt nEg yo pran rak. M'ap mande si se paske yo panse ke n'ap blasfEme oudimwen se limyE'a yo kOmanse wE?
Bayo limyE'a pou yo ka wE, se pou yo ke n'ap travay (Tabou Combo)

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